Rethink, Retool—and Decide!

guest blog by Jack Anderson

Henry David Thoreau said he “wished to live deliberately.” I, too, want to be decisive, and yet I often feel paralyzed by indecision. Each alternative seems equally important. Even after I decide, I’ll second-guess myself. I also make impulsive choices I regret. I therefore don’t trust my decision-making ability. Like the batter who stops swinging to avoid the pain of striking out, I stop living my life “deliberately.”

I’ve learned it’s all in the approach! Decision making can be difficult for those of us with ADHD, but it’s not impossible. Our brains may work differently, but they do work. We may think we need a new brain or more willpower, but we may just need a few creative solutions and a fresh approach to decision making more suited to our ADHD brains.

RETHINK your general approach

We can relieve some of the stress involved if we rethink the way we approach decision making. The systems, strategies, and tools that work for those without ADHD may not work well for you. And the best process for organizing, managing time, or making decisions is the process that works best for you.

Think strategic, not systematic.
Any approach to a task that is linear or systematic is rarely user-friendly for the ADHD brain. Yet there are essential aspects to any decision-making process (such as define goals; list options, benefits, risks, etc.). Keep these aspects in mind, but design your own process and carry it out in a way that works for you. Companies like Pixar, 3M, and Apple promote a culture that fosters innovation. Your brain can discover solutions no one else sees. So build a culture for yourself that lets your innovative mind thrive.

Think holes, not drills.
Marketing guru Ted Levitt explains that drill customers actually need a hole, not a fancy drill. The drill is simply a means to obtain a hole. What is your end goal? Don’t lose sight of that goal in your pursuit of order, efficiency or a formula. It’s easy to overcomplicate minor decisions and oversimplify major ones.

Think tools, not rules.
Rules must be obeyed. No exceptions. There’s only one right way. But tools are task-specific. The best tool is whichever one helps you accomplish the task. Your list of strategies is not a to-do list. It’s your toolbox. Keep adding to it as you learn. (This concept comes from Larry Osborne's Spirituality for the Rest of Us.)

RETOOL specific solutions for common dilemmas

How do we know which solutions to use? It may help to see decisions as doors and difficult decisions as locked doors. Solutions are keys that help us open locked doors. Just as a key has no value unless we know which door it unlocks, solutions are only practical if we know which problems they help us resolve.

For adults with ADHD, the greatest challenges related to decision making include dilemmas like impulsivity, procrastination, overpreparation, fear of failing, too many options, lack of confidence and motivation, inertia, and many others. Let's take a look at just one of these: the overwhelming challenge of too many options.

• Pick a leg!
  A lion tamer holds a stool in front of him to divide the lion’s focus (some even attach shiny medallions to each leg). With his focus divided between the four legs, the lion can’t lock in on his prey and is less likely to charge. If we try to look at everything, we focus on nothing and then we do nothing. So pick a leg and charge!
• Be a “satisficer” not a “maximizer.”
  In The Paradox of Choice, Barry Schwartz introduces us to “maximizers” and what he calls “satisficers.” Maximizers seek the best possible choice, which means hours of agonizing and paralyzing evaluation. Satisficers first define a few preferred criteria for making a choice (for example, I want a DVR with these three features and under $200). When an item meets their criteria, they buy it and waste no time in regret.
• Be a chooser, not a picker.
  Choosers make decisions about their decisions. Is it important? Must it be made now or made at all? Must I make it? Which option best meets my criteria? Choosers make a choice only when they know what they want. Pickers don’t know what they want. They browse yet resist making an actual choice. (This is also from Barry Schwartz.)

You can build your own toolbox by identifying your own dilemmas and finding useful tools. Use the tool you need when you need it. And then swing for the fences!

There is no guarantee you’ll never make a mistake or an unwise choice. In fact, you can plan on striking out and on getting some hits. Don’t let the fear of a wrong decision keep you from deciding. You can rebound from any mistake, except the mistake of never making any.

So live deliberately! Swing away!


Jack Anderson is a member—and sometimes guest facilitator—of the ADHDKC Support Group in Kansas City, Missouri.


A longer version of this post appears in the December 2014 issue of Attention magazine.
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The Gift of Play

by Kirsten Milliken, PhD

The holidays can be stressful. How many articles have you read this month that begin like that? Are you convinced yet? Is this the story that you want to repeat to yourself as you are driving over the mountains and through the woods to your relative’s house for the holidays? If so, stop reading this article now, because it will just be a time waster for you.

For the rest of you: What story would you prefer to have about spending time with family for the holidays? Stories of fun? Playing? Twinkles in people’s eyes? Visions of sugar plums and happy Whoville kin? What can you do to make this the memory you are left with after the holidays?

I recently visited my family—and I pray that they do not read this. I had not seen many of them in several years. The day of the family dinner we arrived early, and as each family member arrived I spent about five minutes catching up, and then it was on to the next conversation or new arrival. After everyone gathered, I could just observe, have brief conversations, and mull about. I observed the same old family dynamics that have always been there. I won’t go into what I saw, just in case someone in my family does read this. After two hours I was ready to leave. Thankfully, so was my mother. The fun part was over; we had eaten, and I had seen the family show.

On the way home, my mother and I talked about what was fun, what was funny, who said what, and what we were going to do for the rest of the evening. We’d left before we got bored. We’d had just enough conversation with each person to last us a while. We got the most we could out of the event, and then we chose to leave. Now this is one way to leave with happy memories of spending time with family. You don’t have to hang out until everyone else is leaving. Observing the relationships and family antics rather than participating can leave you with better stories to tell—and fewer stories told about you.

There have been other times when I have chosen to have a playful approach no matter what. One year I announced that I had a problem with the elves I had hired and was looking for some replacements. I made this comment out of the blue and no one knew what it was about. But it derailed an emotionally charged situation, transforming it into one in which I was having fun.

Playing with the kids instead of the “grown-ups” is an easy way to improve the family fun factor. Sit at the kids’ table. Their conversations are so much less serious—and you might even learn what a Pokemon really is!

Spending the holidays with family can be fun. This is what I know to be true—and so it is. Happy holidays!


Got a story about your family holidays to share? Suggestions to make? Start or join a conversation on Attention connection, your social network for all things ADHD!

Kirsten Milliken, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, a certified ADHD coach, and the founder of PlayDHD. She lives in Portland, Maine, with her two amazing children and two really freaky dogs. Dr. Milliken is passionate about helping those with ADHD communicate about the ways that ADHD affects them and coaches them to develop skill sets that build on their strengths in order to manage the day-to-day challenges of ADHD. She created PLAYDHD to create a specific awareness of the connection between ADHD and the value of play. Her website, playdhd.com, is dedicated to the art of using play in managing symptoms of ADHD, achieving goals, and enjoying life. She is an active member in the ADHD Coaches Organization (ACO), CHADD, Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), International Coaches Federation (ICF), and a graduate of the ADD Coaches Academy (ADDCA). She regularly presents at ADHD conferences on the subject of play. She also hosts the PlayDHD podcast, is a frequent guest and former co-host on Attention Talk Radio, and contributes to various other websites serving the ADHD community.

Play Breaks

by Kirsten Milliken, PhD

For decades, employers have allowed workers to take a ten-minute break to smoke a cigarette. What does the smoker get out of the ten-minute smoke break? Their nicotine “fix,” certainly. But they also get away from their desk. They often get to be social with peers. They get to move their bodies and breathe the outdoor air. These breaks are often under the auspices of “needing” to smoke to relax during periods of stress. With the decline in the number of people who smoke (three percent a year), are employees given other options for relaxing or taking random breaks?

What if you’re not a smoker? My husband once pretended to be a smoker so that he could take breaks and get out of his work environment for ten minutes several times a day. He would come back from “smoking” feeling refreshed, happier, and ready to focus on his next task. It seemed unlikely to him that his request would have been granted had he simply asked if he could have a break.

I am addicted to play the way smokers are addicted to nicotine. If I don’t get some form of play I get irritable, I have cravings, and I have difficulty handling stress. When I have a few moments to move, have fun, laugh, or create something novel, my brain is able to power down for a few moments and then come back “online” so I can resume working in a more productive way. Thus I receive all the benefits and none of the health concerns of smoking. In fact, research suggests that people who incorporate forms of play into their days are healthier and more satisfied with their lives.

What would you do if the company where you work had a policy that its workers had to play for fifteen to thirty minutes every day? How would you spend your time? How would that change your mood? Mindset? Productivity? Happiness? Job satisfaction?


Answer in the comments or venture over to the Attention connection, CHADD’s new online communities.


Kirsten Milliken, PhD, is a licensed clinical psychologist, a certified ADHD coach, and the founder of PlayDHD. She lives in Portland, Maine, with her two amazing children and two really freaky dogs. Dr. Milliken is passionate about helping those with ADHD communicate about the ways that ADHD affects them and coaches them to develop skill sets that build on their strengths in order to manage the day-to-day challenges of ADHD. She created PLAYDHD to create a specific awareness of the connection between ADHD and the value of play. Her website, playdhd.com, is dedicated to the art of using play in managing symptoms of ADHD, achieving goals, and enjoying life. She is an active member in the ADHD Coaches Organization (ACO), CHADD, Attention Deficit Disorder Association (ADDA), International Coaches Federation (ICF), and a graduate of the ADD Coaches Academy (ADDCA). She regularly presents at ADHD conferences on the subject of play. She also hosts the PlayDHD podcast, is a frequent guest and former co-host on Attention Talk Radio, and contributes to various other websites serving the ADHD community.